yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
