and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dear god my vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
