It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
