you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
