Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
