I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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