i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
