He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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