im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
