it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
