when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
