Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My cat gives me a boner
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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