you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
