can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
