In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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