some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
