I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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