That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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