The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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