im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
