Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
