he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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