i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
