what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just cropdusted the office
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
