goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
