i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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