do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
