I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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