I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
