so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
did i just pee glitter
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
