and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
