I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
