someone get that fucking seahorse.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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