First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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