We got so high we made milksteak
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want nice things and good sex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
