I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
