its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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