Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We left the knife in your bed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
