You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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