While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
