I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
