My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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