So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
