i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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