I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
