i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
