so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
