'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i will never coherently bang her
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
