So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
