This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
