I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
