end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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