She announced her abortion via fbk
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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