Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
