im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
