There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
