this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
