Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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