But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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